My last two posts have been about a club and an event – just for women. A reader wondered if the exclusion of men wasn’t “sexist” behavior.
In the Mexican workplace, women do not enjoy as many benefits as men do. There may be a more level playing field than in generations past, but there are still taboos and stereotypes to be overcome. And really, the situation is the same in most countries of the world. To me, this is sexism.
But is it “sexist” to participate in social events that only men or women are allowed to attend, or to send your children to schools where only boys or girls are enrolled, or frequent clubs that only admit one sex or the other?
Men and women should have equal rights, and they have many interests in common, but they also have different ones. I’d have to drag Jorge kicking and screaming to a women’s club gathering and he’d have to offer up some pretty serious ante to get me near a boxing match. I am escorting a women’s tour to Mexico City and Chiapas and I doubt many gents would be interested in the itinerary we have planned.
Mexican women have an extremely strong bond. The relationship between sisters, 
mothers, grandmothers, aunts, cousins and girl friends is so close. Here women are physically affectionate; they protect, nurture and encourage one another. They are proud of their sons and they dote on them – but they invest their souls in their daughters. They don’t love one more or less; the love is just “different.”
The French say: “vive la difference.” The Mexican equivalent is “¡Por las mujeres!” I think that says something… but I don’t think it is sexist.
I suppose that men’s or women’s “clubs” or other events are sexist, but I also believe that there is little interest in women for men’s events or vise versa. Particularly here in Mexico, men not only don’t have interest in women’s get togethers, they wouldn’t be caught dead there!
I am pleased that the Mexican women’s lot in life is improving and that they are slowly being looked upon by their husbands as partners, not property, but there is still a long way to go. My friend Xochitl comes from a small town here in the mountains and when her husband died a year ago her aunts (who raised her) said she should go into a convent. She is only in her 30s!
You’re right Shannon. There is a long way to go. But there has been positive action by the Mexican government. The social assistance programs focus on the women in rural areas because it has been proven they are more open to change and have more consistency than their husbands. Health initiatives are also presented to the women first. And yet, machismo is alive and thriving. Education is the key
There are mens, womens, boys and girls clubs/organizations everywhere & i for one don’t think of a lot of them (boy scounts, brownies, guides, toastmistress, etc etc) as sexist. Where the world (or is it just some “developed” countries) got the idea that this is sexist eludes me. A lot of women & men are more comfortable in groups of their own gender (same goes for sexual orientation, religion, heritage, etc etc). There are many more things to be concerned about in this world – famines, droughts, medical crises, etc Things have gone a bit TOO far in this politically correct, all things MUST be equal society (mainly, I believe in Canada and the US it seems). Just my thoughts on the matter.
We come from the same town and we sure think the same on this issue. Can you imagine how different our Brownie troop would have been with boys in it?
This is a complicated subject indeed. I contend that all countries have their defects, often born out of their inception. It’s kind of like a country’s genes, and no matter what meds are taken, the genetic effects can linger for centuries. The USA was born out of conquest of the Native Americans, and then slavery was added. Mexico has it’s machismo past. As you’ve written, Joanna, education is needed to overcome lingering manifestations. This is not a simple type of education, either. It’s not enough to just teach that something is unfair: the roots of the injustice must be examined, the cultural manifestations revealed, and our own culpability in the continuation accepted.
(I myself am one of the minority that prefer mixed gender groupings.
Probably there are a few men here as well that prefer the same. We have a lot to learn from each other.)
I agree Alinde, it is a complicated subject. But I feel some parts of it don’t need careful scutiny. I enjoy mixed gatherings but I also enjoy the company of just women. And if I plan a party for my girlfriends to which husbands are not invited, I don’t consider myself sexist. When Jorge and I chose an all-girls junior highschool for Maggie, we weren’t even thinking in sexist terms, we just wanted her to meet other girls from our neighborhood.
The fact that the club or event is for men or women only has never concerned me. While many socials are for mixed genders, it is a very rare man who would be interested in activities and clubs that strongly appeal to women and, with the exception of most sports, a rare woman who would gravitate to interests and activities enjoyed by men. What really puzzles me is the woman who goes out of her way to butt into places that are the domain of men and vice versa. Years ago I remember reading about a woman who was bound to drink in Mory’s Temple Bar, the exclusive male bastion referred to in the famous “Whiffenpoof Song”. The woman was quickly escorted out of the bar but her expulsion hit all the newspapers and raised such a commotion that in 1972 women were finally allowed in. More recent is the case of a Toronto woman who insisted on getting a haircut in a barbershop. Her reasoning was since haircuts are substantially cheaper at a barbershop than at a beauty salon she should be entitled to equal service . She was refused service and ordered by the proprietor to leave. She has taken the issue to court and we await the outcome. While she is right in that haircuts are cheaper in a barbershop, when I took my small son for his haircuts I found the ultra masculine environment of the venue overwhelming and could not help but feel that I was invading it.
Sharron – I do agree with you on that, and regarding the woman in Toronto, has she never heard of Supercuts (or whatever the cheap cheap haircut salons are called out there). It sounds as if she just wanted to, as you said, butt in!
and Joany – oh lord if our Brownie troop had let in the fellows we knew ! god forbid! thankfully they stayed away – lolol..
For Sharon and Lou… you are both friends of mine and are of like mind on this point… you should meet!
I am just not convinced that the interests of men and women are so different. Remember the phrase, “The woman’s place is in the home”?
This also went along with the idea that the woman is the cook of the home. Well, I know several men who like to cook, and a whole lot of chefs are men. One man I know even voluntarily made the evening meals because his wife was still working, and he actually likes to cook.
A former partner taught me about boxing. I’m so glad he did, for I still find Mohammed Ali one of the USA’s most remarkable men. Had I not learned something about boxing, I might never have appreciated Ali. (And I noticed via You Tube that there are plenty of women in a boxing audience.)
I’m just saying we should occasionally question what practices of exclusion are really teaching it’s members; as well as what these practices are preventing us from learning.
I know this is a difficult issue… but I still maintain that there is nothing wrong with women and men having separate clubsand so on
I would be very pleased to meet Lou if she (or he) lives in Merida as I arrive there 16 January. Thanks, Joanna, for providing this blog as it sure give us a good chance to vent. And I do agree that making brownies out of boys would have been disastrous indeed. My son was very involved with cubs and scouts – good organizations geared to boys only – and the stuff that they did in the name of “fun” would have been anything but “fun” to a girl.
Lou was my first friend from school. I went to her birthday party in grade one and we’ve been close ever since – more than 50 years. She still lives close to Vancouver and one fine year, I hope she’ll be here at the same time as you
Alinde – i do believe that Joany, Sharron & I are not promoting the exclusion of either sex in everything, just that one should be able to have the freedom to say this is for woman only or men only or girls only or boys only — just as there are seniors only groups (restricted to certain ages and beyond).. I am all for woman and men being able to do what activities/jobs/hobbies they want — my husband, for one, loves to cook and although i did make dinner tonight (for myself it should be noted) he is the one who makes the evening meal! Teaching tolerance is also good – tolerance for others preferences, be they to do with gender, religion, nationality, heritage or … I do like a mixed group for a lot of activities and would not think of excluding men from most of the social ones I participate in – that saying tho my husband would run away pretty fast if a group of my girlfriends were over to tea and visit (he does stick around to say hello), or when i had book club or jewellry parties!
Sharron – i totally agree with you that boys would not find what brownies did, for the most part, fun at all! My girls were involved with the organization up to pathfinder level, also in ballet and dance – very girly girls both of them, still are except the oldest can wire a house, build a kitchen island and shoot pretty darn good as well! unfortunately I do not live in Merida (not yet anyways
at present I am between two cities here — North Van and Gibsons on the Sunshine (and yes it really is!) Coast of British Columbia. I am hoping to be down in Merida in the fall as I have proposed to my friends that the lot of us who are turning 60 this year all go down there and rent a casa for a week or two (mom-in-law wants 2 weeks). Do you live in Merida yourself, just visiting, part-timer?